just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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