i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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