we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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