He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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