Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
