Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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