Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize