This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He felt like a one man threesome
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
