So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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