its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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