Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
