Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
