Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
