Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
