you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
