he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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