before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
