Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
