please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
