pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
