walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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