you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
