Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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