If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
