there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
