No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
