Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
