Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
