i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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