yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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