i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
