Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
