like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
