Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
