If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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