Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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