Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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