I think I am morally bankrupt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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