i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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