all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
