I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
