you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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