You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
