I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
