No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
