my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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