You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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