walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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