i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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