Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
