think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
