Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
