I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
