its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize