I think I died a long time ago.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
