I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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