I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
