the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
