I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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