Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
