My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
