I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
