apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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