Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Kiss
Puke
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
