am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
