Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had to coat check the pizza.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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