I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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