Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
