i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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