how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
