I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
