my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.