Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones