a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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