i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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