his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.