you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.