You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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