I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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