i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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