I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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