At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
