And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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