is your mom at the bar?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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