After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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